The Forest from the Trees

Hellooooo (sound of echo)

2008-01-25T23:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Internet,

It's been a very, very long time since last we spoke. No one is reading this blog anymore, but in case there are stragglers here's some news:

Catch up on my wedding countdown news here
I have no idea what to do with this blog. I'm too sentimental to get rid of it, but I've also come to really detest Blogger. Once I figure it out, you'll be the first to know.

Missed you,
Bluenana

Too Much

2007-07-13T14:17:00.000-04:00

Nikki's last day at [insert name of big company here] is TODAY. Plus, Moonrat and Nikki are on the rocks since last night's "race riot." (Nikki's words, not mine.) And, I feel a weekend of hard conversations with my sister looming.

I feel awful and my fingers unmotivated to finish writing about my vacation that happened ages ago, it feels like. There will be a river of tears coming from this Bluenana's face very soon. I'll try to remember to stay hydrated.

My Sweet Sixteen

2007-07-10T11:51:00.000-04:00

Today is my birthday and I'm feeling old. Since everyone who's ever served me a drink at a bar or wheeled me into a hospital thinks that I'm either not of drinking age or even of college age, I'm calling this my Sweet Sixteen.

[photo courtesy of Julie; birthday tiara courtesy of Anjali]

Porches: The Official Getaway of EVERY editor in NYC

2007-07-06T12:55:00.000-04:00

I came to North Adams, MA to get away from work, but it's inescapable and especially at Porches. At breakfast yesterday morning, I heard snippets of yet another bitchy conversation about editors and agents from a group of almighty New York editors. Moonrat's ex-boss queen lookalike was there bellowing things like, "Frederica Friedman? Oh my gawsh, she's horrible!"

Porches has been my safehaven with HB for 7 years now. When I desperately need to relax and not stress about anything, Porches is our place to go. The chocolate croissants and Vermont cheddar cheese in the breakfast nook and the fluffy down comforters in the rooms make all my troubles disappear. However, I must face reality and accept the truth that our getaway has been breached by the enemy. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Apparently, I haven't been keeping up with my Publisher's Weeklys because I DID NOT get the memo that every editor in New York is now summering in North Adams. However, HB likes to think that we got here first and those editors are summering in our home. Plus, we don't summer, we vacay.

Get out of our house, bitches!

Roasted Bluenana

2007-07-04T00:22:00.000-04:00

Tonight I discovered that there is a limit to how long one can stay in a hot tub and that length of time is definitely less than one hour.

Now that I'm rosy pink all over and completely lathered in aloe vera, I can look back on the time in the hot tub and reflect on the important questions in life, such as "do boobs float"? The hot Brazilian girl in the barely there bikini had floaters which I suspect were gifts from her father.

Since no one will ever buy me enhanced body parts, I'm hoping that boobs DON'T float. It'll make me feel a lot better.

Just when I think I'm out, they PULL me back in

2007-07-03T11:38:00.000-04:00

OK, so two reasons for the hiatus AGAIN: 1. crazy work week in preparation for 2. this week of vacation.

Just wanted to take a moment to explain how skeeved I am at this very moment. I came all the way to the Berkshires with HB to get away from work and stress, only to hear a couple in the room above us having INCREDIBLY LOUD sex and to find out in the breakfast room that they work AT MY COMPANY.

BLECH BLECH BLECH. ICH ICH ICH. Sigh.

She's home!

2007-06-25T21:32:00.000-04:00

My sister's home from Ireland, woo hoo!

Of course, now she's got me doing sisterly things, like attending a Darren Hayes concert with her tomorrow. (For those of you who are NOT diehard D.H. fans, he was the former lead singer of Savage Garden.) Personally, I'm not a HUGE fan myself, but Darren and I go way back.

Back in the summer of 2000, my sister dragged my ass out of bed at the unholy hour of 3 am to see Savage Garden perform on the Today show's summer concert series. The area around the stage usually fills up quickly with out of towners and various tourists, so my sister knew to arrive super early.

We arrive around 4:30 am to see a stage set for Lara Fabian, not Savage Garden. My sister, in complete denial, thinks that they haven't finished setting up the stage yet, so we wait. And wait. And wait. Eventually at around 8:45 am, Lara Fabian gets up on the stage and starts singing, "I Will Love Again," a catchy one-hit wonder tune. At around 9:30am, my sister admits that perhaps we arrived on the wrong day.

The next day, my sister rips me from my peaceful slumber at around 3 am to see the CORRECT Savage Garden show. Again, we arrive at around 4:30 am, but this time we see the correct stage. We snag prime front row center stage standing positions and wait. And wait. Quickly, the area fills up with other diehard Savage Garden fans, toting posters and various "I love you, Savage Garden," "I want you to have my baby, Darren Hayes," and "You can bathe me in the sea, Darren Hayes" signs.

I'm not drawn in by all this mania, but something transforms within me when the concert begins. It was like an out of body experience. I started singing along (apparently, deep down inside, I knew the lyrics by heart) and then I started to move. I believe some may call this dancing, but I'm not quite sure. If I had to describe the movements, it was something like the hand flailing and gyration of a born again Christian, or maybe a cowgirl with a lasso. I don't know exactly, suffice it to say that HB's family was watching the performance in Massachusetts, the camera recorded my maniacal gesticulation, and his entire family was rolling with laughter. This very Today show performance is probably still being transmitted far out in outer space where an alien civilization is watching and mimicking my pathetic asian girl dance moves and wondering what kind of people we are.

My sister--the diehard fan that she is--taped this show for posterity. If she has a heart, she'll keep it buried in her collection forever.

For payback, maybe my sister might snag us two tickets to see Romeo & Juliet in Shakespeare in the Park this week. I've got a major girl crush on Lauren Ambrose. Though, I think this is already public knowledge.

Queens: Home of Pork Candy

2007-06-24T22:11:00.000-04:00

Where did this weekend go? I didn't really accomplish all that much, but had a great time with Nikki and Moonrat eating these delicious Filipino dishes at Perlas ng Silangan. (Are you happy now, Moonie? I've posted my "nerdy asian photos.")

I'll direct you to Moonrat's blog, if you'd like the rundown of food we consumed, since she's much better at the food descriptions. Though, I'm surprised she didn't refer to the tocino as pork candy, since it's the funniest and most accurate description of the food that I've ever heard.

Defending My Honor

2007-06-24T22:09:00.000-04:00

A couple of days ago, my better half, HB, received an email from an old childhood friend. This friend--let's call him D.--felt slighted that HB hadn't made a better effort to be a part of D's life today and that their friendship was slowly dissolving. One of the reasons D. thought HB intentionally stayed away was because of me:

"If you're mad at me because you think I hate your fiance, you shouldn't be. You are my friend and that is what I care about. Who you want to marry is your choice and as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

WTF!? First of all, HB NEVER thought that D. hated me. So, the only reason D. feels the need to negate the fact that he hates me in his email is because there's a nugget of truth to it. Second of all, despite my self-loathing tendencies, I still think of myself as a kind of a catch. If someone did a profile on me, you'd be hard pressed to figure out if I was just a boy in a girl's body.

My boss once described me to a Wired writer over lunch to describe how I was the perfect audience for his writing and the magazine: tech and gadget junkie, gamer, obsessive blog reader, TV addict, closet convention attending Star Trek fan, etc. After profiling me, this Wired writer asks my boss, "And your assistant's a girl? You do realize that unless she has a unibrow, she'd be swimming in phone numbers in this industry."

Seriously though, I think I'm a good person and worthy of HB. I come from a good family, I was a good student my whole life, got a great education, and have a blossoming career in book publishing. What's wrong with me?

Nothing, I say.

Resurfacing

2007-06-23T01:02:00.000-04:00

So, it's been a while, eh? I stayed away about as long as I could stand before I realized that NOT blogging was not improving my lack of happiness.

I'm going to skip the sob story about how this last month has been an introspective one, how getting my last asthma attack made me feel more vulnerable than I've felt in a while, and how I'm so g-d damn tired of LOSING acquisitions because my company can't pay more for good books (or effing promotions, for that matter).

I talked to one of my fantastic cousins tonight who is literally halfway around the world (the Philippines) and she told me that she read my entire blog. Seriously. Like from the first post to the last. That was the most flattering thing I've heard anyone say to me in a while and it made me want to come back and start writing regularly again. Thank you, M.

So, here I am. We have a lot of catching up to do. Since it's 1 am, I'm going to pack it in soon, but I do have new pictures to share from my business trip to San Francisco last week.

Dear reader, missed you I have. I hope you missed me back.

Asthma rules!

2007-05-25T08:44:00.000-04:00

Apparently I was so devastated with the season finale of Grey's Anatomy that I just HAD to see the inside of an ER. I mean, what's Thursday night without a little hospital drama? So, I had a sudden asthma attack late last night and got rushed to the hospital. Awesome!

The great thing about having an asthma attack and going to the ER is that there is no wait. Triage usually sees to it that I have a tube in my throat and plenty of steroids in my system immediately. Plus, even though I'm freaking out on the inside and seconds away from bursting into tears from fear that I don't know where my next breath will come from, Long Island Jewish hospital still finds a way to make me chuckle.

I walk into the hospital, hospital people see me with shoulders hunched, red face, and heaving for air, so I'm ushered to triage. PEDIATRICS triage. I hand the nurse my insurance card, so I don't have to do much talking (like spelling my 11-letter last name) and she says, "Wait a minute. Your date of birth is 1980? You need to go next door to the adult triage."

Holy shit, people. Enough of this. I am not, nor do I look like, I am 16 freaking years old. My mom is worried sick, but she still manages to laugh out loud with the mistake. Even the security guard comes up to her and asks, "how old is your daughter? Really?"

A few rounds of tube breathing goodness, lots of steroids, and a couple of hours staring wildly around the ER for some Seattle Grace Hospital action, I'm back up to 74% of lung capacity. The asthma specialist reports his numbers to the resident and he says,

"74%? You mean before we started the round of treatments?"

Specialist: "No, 74% after three rounds of treatment. We can run another test in few minutes, but she's at 74% now."

Resident: (look of consternation) "There's a lot of room for improvement here, so let's give it a few minutes and run the test again."

That's when I tell them that my lungs usually operate at this underachiever level. 74% is actually quite good. Sigh.

Just a couple of weeks ago I was boasting about my latest test results from my regular asthma doctor: (Large airway capacity improved from 65% to 70% to 75% in the last year; small airway capacity improved from 72% to 80% to a whopping 95%). You could have told me that I passed the MCATs, that's how I happy I was.

I agree to a follow up today with my doctor, increase the dosages on all my asthma meds, and take some lovely fat-inducing prednisone for a few days, and the attending discharges me.

Oh, how the mighty gym rat has fallen.

Slovenly

2007-05-21T13:55:00.001-04:00

The lack of blogging has been due to a sudden cold that came out of nowhere and is kicking my ass. I came to work because it was of the utmost importance that one of our authors have his signing advance processed i-m-m-e-d-i-a-t-e-l-y, but now that I'm here I just want to crawl under my cubicle and sleep. I spilled hot and sour soup on my yellow t-shirt and must now wear my gym hoodie in the office to cover the disgusting mess.

I'd create a link to Get Set Go's "Sleep" if I could find the bloody thing online.

Once Soundtrack

2007-05-19T13:37:00.000-04:00

Can't wait to get your hands on the Once soundtrack? Dying to hear some tunes before May 22nd? Hop on over to the brand spanking new soundtrack MySpace page to have a listen or two.

Also, if you preorder the soundtrack online at the Newbury Comics website, you can get a free booklet signed by Glen and Marketa with your order. Just ordered mine this morning!

By the way--I don't work for Fox Searchlight or benefit from any sort of financial gain from all this promotion. I'm just an incredibly huge fan of this movie, Glen Hansard, Market Irglova, the Frames, and their continued success.

The most romantic words ever spoken

2007-05-19T13:35:00.001-04:00

HB: "I can't wait to cook for you."
Me: "And I can't wait to eat your food."**

**I can't cook for shit and I've known for a long, long time that if a boy wanted to marry me, it wouldn't be for my housewife skills. Guess we have a perfect match here.

Summer Fridays

2007-05-18T13:35:00.001-04:00

Last Friday I was chatting with Boss #1 and I longingly said, "I wish we had summer Fridays."

"For what," he said.

"I dunno, go home and get an early start on my Netflixes. Go back to sleep. Anything other than being here."

"Summer Fridays is an industry standard that is slowly, but surely, disappearing," he said. "I mean, not many people still have that house in the Hamptons to jet off to."

"Sure, not everyone has that summer house, but who cares? It's less busy in the summertime, hence half days on Fridays," I ignorantly persisted.

"Oh, Bluenana. Don't you know where summer Fridays came from? This industry was once made up solely of rich, privileged, white, Hamptons-summering folk. The only reason they created summer Fridays was so these people can get a head start on traveling out to their second home for the weekend. Nowadays, it's pointless."

Ding goes the lightbulb! Having been raised as a middle class, first generation Filipino-American, I'm not hip to the ways that rich people think. I never realized that the whole point of half days on Fridays was so people could beat the traffic on the Long Island Expressway.

The Tyranny of the Second Home is one of the most popular articles in the New York Times today, but I wonder if it's because of people the many people who can relate to the article or because of people who love to read articles like this, like an anthropological study of a fascinating breed of animal: the nouveau riche. I know which category I fit into.

I know I'll never have the privilege/hefty responsibility of having a second home, but I sure would like to be writing this post back in my warm bed.

VERONICA, NOOOOOO!

2007-05-18T10:11:00.000-04:00

Son of a whore! What the hell happened?? Moonrat said she'd mourn Veronica with me, which confused me, so I went straight to my V-Mars inspiration and she confirmed it for me.

Now herein lies the problem with getting into a show late in the game. You can't stay on top of new developments unless you want to spoil crucial plot elements from the current season, so you're obviously not going to watch TV or read all the blogs until you've voraciously Netflixed the previous seasons and you're caught up. However, if the show is teetering on the brink of destruction, by not watching the current season, you're not adding to the show's viewership.

Veronica: I heard your plea for help and I stood idly by. I'm sorry I failed you.

Like lambs to the slaughter

2007-05-17T16:43:00.000-04:00

This day can go to hell. While boss #1 is in DC hobnobbing with Democratic presidential candidate, Bill Richardson, I have the great pleasure of treading water with 25-pound rocks shackled to my ankles. Oh, I mean, keeping things afloat while he's away. Lovely.

Yesterday was the torturous publicity meeting where I sat in the hot seat and thoughtfully bobbed my head as we discussed the dismal state of affairs of boss #1's publicity opportunities--or lack thereof--for B-movie extraordinaire's autobiography and the even more dismal state of affairs of even more books. Outside of humiliation, I'm not quite sure what the purpose of the meeting was.

Today was the cover meeting where I was supposed to launch a bunch of books for cover designs, none of which I was prepared for. That went something like this:

Marketing Manager: Okay, so Bluenana is here to launch Boss #1's entire Fall list of book covers. Where would you like to start?
Me: Umm, (incomprehensible mumble).
MM: What?
Me: Well, (insert miscellaneous hems and haws here), we didn't actually discuss launching covers before Boss #1 left for DC.
MM: Oh (looks of malice, scorn, hate, and fury). I guess we'll have to discuss this offline.

At that point, I'm ushered out of the room like a 16-year old pregnant Catholic girl being sent to Wichita, Kansas to "visit her aunt." Sigh.

And furthermore, I hate that word, "offline." In corporate speak it just means, "I will chastise you privately, away from the prying ears of human resources."

I wanna go home. I have disc 4 of The 4400 season 3 and disc 3 of Veronica Mars season 1 waiting for me.

Once--the New York Times review

2007-05-17T12:35:00.000-04:00

I freely admit that I passionately hate A.O. Scott. I think his aesthetic sensibilities are highly questionable, the NY Times is stupid for keeping him on payroll, and he's just an all around prick. In fact, I often see movies just because he panned them. However, giving credit where credit is due: his review of Once is spot on (not just because we agreed on something for a change, but because he actually captures what makes this movie special).

I know it doesn't need to be said anymore, but I absolutely loved this movie and I want EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU TO GO SEE IT. Here, I'll make it easy for you.

New York:
Landmark Sunshine Cinema
143 East Houston Street
11:40 1:40 3:40 4:40 5:40 6:40 7:45 8:40 9:45 10:40

Los Angeles:
ArcLight Hollywood
6360 W Sunset Blvd
12:00 2:20 4:50 7:30 9:40

To sweeten the deal, I am offering to buy a cupcake for anyone who goes to see this movie in NY.

The soundtrack is on sale next Wednesday, 5/22. Once you hear Marketa Irglova sing "If You Want Me," I dare you to NOT buy it.

The latest acquisition

2007-05-16T21:53:00.000-04:00

After getting a 20% coupon by email from Banana Republic yesterday, I immediately went out and bought this dress after work. A girl can NEVER have enough green.

Go, Nikki, go!!!

2007-05-16T21:33:00.000-04:00

Awesome news! Nikki--of the highly anticipated and long awaited first novel, Walking on Tiptoes--has been selected for a prestigious and competitive writer's workshop sponsored by the Hurston-Wright Foundation. This summer she will have an opportunity to spend a whole week focusing only on her novel and getting a lot of much needed work done to bring it that much closer to a bound book and a book signing at Union Square.

Please join me in a round of applause for Brooklyn's best kept secret--Nikki.

Stuffed Pigs

2007-05-16T21:22:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the very sporadic blogging this week. HB is visiting and that always makes for infrequent posting. In fact, it's hard to type right now with all the food comingling in my belly.

For lunch, we had Charrito's in Hoboken for incredibly decadent Mexican. I had grilled chicken enchilladas drowned in a mole sauce with a heaping of refried beans, pico de gallo, shredded white cheese, and sour cream.

For dinner, we ate at Cara Mia, an adorable little Italian restaurant three blocks away from my house. I'm ashamed to say that I've lived in the same neighborhood for 26 years and this is the FIRST time I've been to this restaurant. I have no idea why. It's a gem! I had baked ziti sicilian, which was basically baked ziti with delicious slices of egglant parmesan baked underneath a thick layer of cheese. If I didn't have to roll myself out of the restaurant, I would have topped it off with creme brulee.

Mexican and Italian in one day is usually too much for the average stomach, but we're troopers. Also, we've been thinking about going to Cara Mia for our rehearsal dinner before the wedding next year, so I like to think of dinner tonight as "wedding research." Yeah, that's what I'm calling it.

28 Weeks Later

2007-05-16T09:57:00.000-04:00

In reparation for my working in St. Louis last month on the weekend, craphole city that it is, I took a comp day today to chill with my better half. Our main goal for today was to see 28 Weeks Later, which was so EFFING SCARY. Yes, I knew it would be scary, but it was easily scarier than the first one.

Initially, I didn't know if they'd be able to pull off a whole new cast of characters for a sequel, but it worked out great. Stringer Bell was in it and played Stringer Bell (just kidding) and I learned an important lesson. No matter what country you're in, kids are stupid and can never be trusted to follow instructions, even if it means getting mauled to death by a zombie.

Kid: "Dad, can I leave the safe zone to get some stuff back at our old house?"
Dad: "No son, it's dangerous out there because they haven't finished burning all the rage-infected zombie corpses. Besides, didn't you hear all the American soldiers tell you a dozen times that it's dangerous out there and you could spread the rage virus, which has only been tenuously suppressed, and we're still at risk of another outbreak if you leave the safe zone?"
Kid: "But I WANNA GO HOME and get my favorite pair of Vans and pictures of Mom before she became a zombie."
Dad: "You fucking kids will never learn."

Riiiight. Basically, the fate of the world rests with some kid who wants to go home for sneakers and a picture. Fantastic.

UPDATE: Moonrat points out that I didn't actually finish making an argument in this post (d'oh!), so I'll complete that now. Despite my frustration with the fact that the fate of the world is dependent on a couple of irresponsible and selfish pre-teens, this was still an awesome and terrifying movie. Anyone following trailers or who enjoyed 28 Days Later will be surprised by who gets infected and by the arc of this movie. Fortunately 28 Weeks Later was not a victim of the sequel curse, so go see it and bring someone who won't mind you burying your face into their shoulder or clutching tightly.

Mother's Day, Queens style

2007-05-14T22:05:00.000-04:00

I don't think Mother's Day could have been any more picturesque. I took my mom out to her favorite pressed sandwich bar, Press 195, where she had belgian fries, cream of tomato soup, and a prosciutto, tomato, and mozzarella sandwich and I had an eggplant parmesan sandwich. Afterwards, we had Italian ices at Ralph's, a Queens staple, and then we took a stroll in the park to watch the geese. A passing man saw us eating Italian ices together, paused, looked at us and said, "cute," then walked away. Strange.

A perfect day.

Harper's Index

2007-05-13T11:33:00.000-04:00

The June issue of Harper's has some fascinating stats in the index and I'm compelled to share:

Percentage of U.S. households that will have a Nintendo Wii by 2011, according to Merrill Lynch: 30 (Excellent progress! Our plan for the Wii-ification of American culture will nearly be complete.)
(For Moonrat and Nikki) Minimum number of different books sold in the U.S. last year, as tracked by Nielsen BookScan: 1,446,000
Number of those that sold fewer than 99 copies: 1,123,000
Number that sold more than 100,000: 483

Yes, those last set of stats are disturbing. HB asked me if I thought I was in the right industry. After some hemming and hawing, I admitted that I have no idea.

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T11:31:00.000-04:00

Even though it's a holiday created by the greeting card industry, I hope you make your mom feel special today.

Skirts and bicycles

2007-05-11T14:48:00.000-04:00

I've decided that I want to be one of these cute European girls who cycle around the city in vintage bikes and adorable skirts and dresses.

Like her:

Or her:

Or her (and her awesome sexy leg showing self):

Even though I discovered early on that biking in a skirt and/or dress is a poor decision, I don't care because all of these girls look hot, confident, and amazing. I could never pull off that sexy cool look because I dress like a hobo when I'm not going to work and I dress like a square when I am at work. Envyyyyy.

Reason why I need a subscription to Us Weekly

2007-05-11T11:01:00.000-04:00

Because when reading the well played post about Cameron Diaz's cute dress on gofugyourself, I discovered that she and and Justin Timberlake broke up. And then Nikki told me that this happened like 3 or 4 months ago! Where the hell have I been? Obviously living under a rock. Oh heck.

WTF?

2007-05-09T23:34:00.002-04:00

Any remaining Lost viewers out there? I know, I suffer from battered woman's syndrome when it comes to suckage TV. Seriously though, this show is BACK ON AN UPSWING! And what the hell just happened tonight? My mouth is still agape at the absolute shock of that last minute.

Broken Friendships

2007-05-09T23:34:00.001-04:00

The first book Moonie acquired at her new company is this fabulous self-help book about broken friendships, which is going to be an amazing book and the first of its kind.

The doctor writing the book is compiling data through an online survey and I hope many, many, many of you will take 10 minutes to fill out the quiz.

P.S. Moonie: I'm sorry it took me ages to post this. I am always the weakest link.

Sexy Back

2007-05-09T22:36:00.001-04:00

I had my followup meeting with my trainer today and my workout routine is now topping at around 2 hours and 10 minutes in the gym, if I do my ab work at home. Pheww!

Because I have no point of reference (I've been a bonafide couch potato nearly all my life), I have no idea how intense this is. It feels like fucking murder on my body, but them endorphins feel sooo good. The rundown:

10 minutes of cardio
chest presses-36 reps
shoulder presses-36 reps
bicep curls-36 reps
tricep extensions-36 reps
glutes-36 reps
leg extensions-36 reps
45 more minutes of cardio
the scary sounding ABDUCTOR for inner thighs-45 reps
outer thighs-45 reps
standing row for the *hopefully* sexy back-45 reps
a whole bunch of nauseating crunches

If I leave work exactly at 5pm and head to the gym, I'm lucky if I make it home by 9:30pm, then I eat, shower, and collapse. I have NO TIME to do anything else. I vote for the 36-hour day. Come on people, who's with me!?

To the guy who called me a bitch on the subway,

2007-05-09T08:19:00.000-04:00

I squealed "ouch" when you sat down because not only did you crush my leg, but your keys, cell phone, switch blade, and whatever else you keep in your pocket gashed my thigh and I thought I might be bleeding or worse, have a tear in my dress.

Mind your shit and fuck off,
Blue

Self-hate with a dash of self-pity

2007-05-08T17:45:00.000-04:00

I don't usually use this blog as a forum for describing the trials of my job, a la Editorial Ass, but I am so mired in all kinds of self-hate right now that I desperately need an outlet.

I work for two editors, but only one of them really matters. That is, I only care about what one of them thinks of me. He--who shall remain nameless--is like many of his kind: arrogant, insensitive, self-congratulatory, and painfully intelligent. As a manager, he never really gets worked up about anything, so I never live in fear of a yelling, a tantrum, or irrational anger. I do, however, live in fear of feeling inadequate.

I'm trying to buy a book (hurrah!) and I submitted my draft of acquisitions materials to my editor this afternoon. Within minutes, he stood at my cubicle and said, "You're usually very good at this, but this is quite possibly the worst selling point I've ever read" and proceeded to read aloud from my acquisitions material. After the public shaming (I'm in a cubicle in an open office environment), we went back to his office so he could instruct me in Proposal Writing 101. "Step 1, you should...blah blah blah."

Now, I'm trying to rally my spirits and "get back on the horse," but it feels impossible at this moment. Blech. I am a tiny dot on an endless sheet of paper. I can't even grieve properly...I've gone from denial to depression. What happened to anger? I'm a much better writer pissed off.

Perhaps I'm not cut out for this job and have been in denial for the last three years. Perhaps I should start looking into a new line of work, maybe one with decent pay. I hear construction pays well. Shit, I'm probably better with a hammer than I am with a keyboard. Hate hate hate.

I HEART Veronica Mars

2007-05-07T22:29:00.000-04:00

Before I gush, I must give credit where credit is due. Nikki has recommended so many shows that I've subsequently Netflixed voraciously and then fallen in love with: Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me, The Wire, The 4400. Thank you, my TV twin, for your amazing taste in TV. I am your TV Padawan, your apprentice, and I have much to learn from your pop culture tube taste.

This lead came from a House o' Blogger blog, and I still can't believe I never watched it before. I freaking LOVE Veronica Mars. I've only made it through the first two discs of the first season, but it's love at first sight. Here's a little sample of Veronica's tough girl, smart mouth awesomeness:

Veronica: (defending a friend) Leave him alone.
Weevil: Sister, the only time I care about what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog. And it's not so much a bunch of words, just "oohs" and "ahhs," y'know?
Veronica: So, it's big, huh?
Weevil: Legendary.
Veronica: Well, let's see it. I mean, if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend. Aww, we could go to prom together.

Love it. Watch it! But, is it over or not? I haven't kept up with the gossip and I don't want to dig around for news too deeply because I'm afraid of spoilers.

Spiderman 3

2007-05-07T22:23:00.000-04:00

I really, really wanted to like this one, but I knew I wouldn't. This wasn't Spiderman 3, it was Emo-Spidey. The slightly greasy, matted hair, the sullen eyes exaggerated by--I swear--black eyeliner, and the too tight skinny boy jeans? Yeah, you're so bad Spidey.

There were 55 new characters and not one of them was fully developed or entirely likeable and there were 12 different villains in the movie and it was way too long.

Sigh. We know there'll be a fourth one, a fifth one, and maybe a sixth one, so I imagine there's time to recover from this faux pas.

I'd rather be blogging

2007-05-06T23:13:00.000-04:00

but I have too much "homework" to do. Well, it's really work work, not homework, but you know what I mean.

I saw Spiderman 3 this weekend, watched the first two discs of Veronica Mars, Season 1, and rediscovered the sheer delight of a Brother P-Touch labeler. It was an overall great weekend, but I just don't have time to write the recaps right now. They're a-comin' soon!

Of course, it's ALWAYS necessary to take a work work break to rewatch the battle of Helm's Deep from The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers, since it's on TBS right now. That fight scene is some good shit.

Flickrlicious

2007-05-04T21:02:00.000-04:00

Since it's Friday and I've made a habit of not working (or just being mentally incapable of focusing on important projects), I discovered the third dimension of Flickr: groups.

I know, I know. "Duh, Blue. Where've ya been?" Seriously though, I've just been using Flickr as a storage device for my photos. I was hoping to build up my contact list with friends to share pictures of what life is like in New York and I could see what life is like down in San Antonio and DC, but it turns out that a lot of my friends either a) don't have a camera, b) don't have the inclination to take pictures, or c) are too lazy to put their photos up online. Tsk tsk tsk.

Now that I've discovered all these amazing groups, my mind is bubbling over with photo projects! There's a whole group devoted to nothing but photos of Queens and no one represents Queens Village yet (project #1). There's this cool challenge where you take a self-portrait every day for a year and the photos are pooled into a group (project #2). That's a pretty intense project. One photo a day doesn't sound like much, but it'll take a lot of creativity before it photos look monotonous or boring day after day. I don't think I'm ready to commit to that one yet.

Anyway, if I can get my ass out of bed tomorrow, I think I might start my Queens Village project. Represent, yo.

I'd rather be...

2007-05-04T15:30:00.001-04:00

the best naps happen at my parents' house, originally uploaded by strph.

A great picture I found while Flickr surfing. Strph has beautiful photos.

TGIF

2007-05-04T14:06:00.000-04:00

Seriously. Though I can't concentrate for shit today and that sucks. It's a good thing that I didn't download Joost onto my work computer because I really would not get anything done.

Oh, I meant to write a "Woo hoo, I have Joost post," but between the inability to make a coherent sentence and laziness it didn't happen. If anyone wants to join, let me know.

Once (the recap)

2007-05-02T23:48:00.000-04:00

OHMYGOD, yo. Last night's event made me so happy, I thought I would jump out of my skin. I'm going to tackle this post in parts, lest I faint from joy.

The Movie:
It's being pitched as a "musical," but I can't think of a more inappropriate word to describe it. Musicals conjure images of Grease or West Side Story, which is far from what this movie is. The director--John Carney, former bassist of The Frames--likes to call it an "album on film," which is the perfect phrase. I don't want to give away too much from the movie since I know some of you are going to see it when it's in wider release. Carney made a brilliant portrait of Dublin, love, and longing, and you MUST SEE IT.

The Q&A:
Foresters, I made you all proud last night. I asked a question without sounding like a fangirl gushing inaudible, incomprehensible sounds. In fact, I managed to sound semi-normal, verging on intelligent. My question (more or less): (to Glen and Marketa) did you write The Swell Season with this movie in mind? If not, how did the movie and that album come together? Glen answered my question thoughtfully while staring straight at me for about 3 minutes, during which I managed to not crack under the pressure of celebrity interaction. Good progress!

Performance:
Marketa played "If You Want Me" and they both played "Falling Slowly" with Glen's beat up guitar with the hole in it. Need I say they were amazing? It was so intimate and I just kept thinking about how lucky I was to be there.

Regrets:
1. Why the fuck did I leave my camera at home? I was terrified of the "Anti-Piracy" warning on the email confirmation I received that I intentionally left my camera at home. Bollocks, bullshit, bitches, butt. Wouldn't you be scared if you read this:

ANTI-PIRACY ENFORCEMENT

The screening will be monitored for unauthorized recordings. By attending, you agree not to bring any recording devices into the theatre and consent to a physical search of your belongings and person for recording devices. If you attempt to enter with a recording device, you will be denied admission. If you attempt to use a recording device, you consent to your immediate removal from the theatre and forfeiture of the device. Unauthorized recordings will be reported to law enforcement and may subject you to criminal and civil liability.

2. I wish HB were with me. It wasn't the happiest of endings. Thank goodness for dark theaters. You have a few minutes during the credits to mop up your face when you're crying like you're pregnant.

Summary:

What a perfect night! Moonie was great enough to come with me after someone flaked. Boys are so unreliable. After the show, I got to shake hands with Glen, introduce myself, and--I swear this is exactly what he said--"C-----? That's a great name. I'm going to name one of my children that one day." After an autograph and a photo, I was on Cloud 9.

Please, go see this movie. It's on a short tour right now at a few major cities, but then it'll be released in NY and LA on May 18th. The soundtrack comes out on the 22nd, and I know you'll buy it after you see the movie.

P.S. If I HAD MY CAMERA, these photos would be so much better. Sigh.

Thank you, MySpace

2007-05-02T09:08:00.000-04:00

I got home too late to write my post about Once last night, but it's coming soon, I promise. In brief, it was amaaazing and Glen Hansard said he loved my name and would name a child after me.

In the meantime, I'd just like to give credit where credit is due. MySpace: I've given you grief in the past for being an incredibly shitty social networking site and I'm sorry. I would never have known about last night's event if it weren't for you. So, thanks.

Once

2007-04-30T21:49:00.002-04:00

So excited! If all goes well, I'm going to see a free screening of Once at NYU tomorrow night. Here's the quick and dirty movie summary:

A modern day musical set on the streets of Dublin. Featuring Glen Hansard from the Irish band "The Frames," the film tells the story of a street musician and a Czech immigrant during an eventful week as they write, rehearse and record songs that reveal their unique love story.

After the movie, there'll be a Q&A, and a live performance by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (Czech immigrant). Sweet! But, what do I ask? I always like to prepare questions ahead of time, but it's so hard when you're too big of fan. What should I ask?

Q: "Hi, Glen and Marketa. I'm a huge fan of The Frames and of The Swell Season. I was in Dublin with you guys, y'know, ringing in the New Year! I was the Asian girl near the stage...probably a little hard to miss with all the vanilla people around me. Y'know, the one with the camera in your face the whole night? Anyway, I saw you last week when you were in NY. You guys were great! I even got a set list, which was way cool. Anyway, umm, yeah. I didn't really have a question, I guess. It was just a public opportunity to squeal, make inaudible shrill noises, and gush. So, umm, thanks guys!"

No, I can't say that. Someone help me not sound like an ass because without a rehearsal I will say those things above.

Dead Like Me Lives On

2007-04-30T21:49:00.001-04:00

Yessssss!!!!!

Although I missed this show when it was actually on the air, my recent TV on DVD binging has included the two seasons of this show. Dead Like Me was one of those shows that was smart (or smart mouthed), funny, and a fun watch, with too few people watching. If the original cast signs on, this could be the closure that fans have desperately neeeded in the form of a made for DVD movie. I know, "made for DVD movie" has that ring of shitty Lifetime movie, but seriously, I'll take anything. I'm so sick of blue balls. Wonderfalls? Carnivale?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, MGM.

A girl can only hold out for so long

2007-04-29T20:16:00.000-04:00

before burning a small hole in her pocket. This weekend's acquisitions:

This gorgeous belted shirtdress by Doo Ri from the Gap's Design Edition:

And a professional Waring waffle iron that makes beautiful, round, deep belgian waffles. Mmmmm!!! Now I just need to learn how to cook!

Bringing the Forest to You

2007-04-29T00:13:00.000-04:00

I know this is a little late in the game, but I've set up a Feedburner link to (hopefully) make it easier to subscribe to RSS feeds. Hope it's helpful--or at the very least--warranted.

Alanis Morisette's Humps?

2007-04-28T23:31:00.001-04:00

Are you fucking serious? LOL.

Widget happy

2007-04-28T15:53:00.000-04:00

Man, if only Blogger had three columns! I think I've gone a little crazy with the widgets these days. Happens when I'm bored. Holler if you think it's a little too much.

The House o' Bloggers

2007-04-28T14:41:00.000-04:00

For a long while I've been envious of The House o' Bloggers down on Florida Street in DC. They are: Matthew Yglesias, Kriston Capps, Catherine Andrews, Spencer Ackerman, and "Becks" (didn't figure out her full name). What better way to live than to not have real jobs, blog hard all week long, and be drunk all weekend?

Alright, that's a little hypocritical of me to say. Since I am a) socially awkward with a documented phobia of crowds, b) possibly allergic to alcoholic beverages (it's a shame, right?), and c) employed and happily benefitting from a paycheck (little that it is). At any rate, they're not really all unemployed anymore. At one point they were and I seriously wondered how they afforded rent and groceries.

At any rate, Matt Yglesias has jumped ships from The American Prospect to The Atlantic Monthly and it's official in blog form now. Outside of a new URL, a site redesign, and some Atlantic-branding, it's still pretty much the same good stuff, except for his blogroll.

I found it interesting that his blogroll has been put on a diet, and what's especially noteworthy is the absence of two of his roommates' blogs: Spencer and Becks. You may recognize Spencer's name from his days at The New Republic. It was no secret that he butted heads frequently with the man upstairs and was fired, oh, I mean "quit." Is this the Atlantic's way of demonstrating their disapproval? I don't know, but that's some cold shit, if you ask me.

Another productive day at the office

2007-04-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

What a great day! I could feel the Protestant work ethic pulsing through my veins as I managed to:

get my Line Rider to successfully slide through a loopdy-loop
get a whole bunch of Acrobots to stack up before they fell down into an tripod orgy
completely pop several, several sheets of virtual bubblewrap (thanks, Nikki)

Ahh, Fridays.

Live Octopus Tentacles!

2007-04-27T10:46:00.001-04:00

Blech!! Perhaps it's my lack of culture or my ignorance, but this is just wrong.

Ka plah plah plah, fellow Klingons.

Hot Fuzz

2007-04-26T22:46:00.000-04:00

Funny, funny movie. The extreme closeups, the frenetic editing of chase scenes, the ridiculous shots of pairs of feet walking...it was great.

However, I'm a douchebag. Will someone please explain to me what Hot Fuzz means? Is this like a British thing? Their version of our Five-O?

The Frames (the recap)

2007-04-26T22:35:00.000-04:00

Needless to say, the show was amazing and I loved every minute of it. They played a whopping 21 songs in 2 hours and they would have played another song or two if the venue didn't kick the band out.

HB and I had seats in the far right wing of orchestra (aka-obstructed view) while the first two rows in the theater remained relatively empty. (Either for AMEX gold card holders or the owner's brother). We hemmed and hawed about moving, but were unsure about getting in trouble, worried that the people who had those ticketed seats would show up, blah, blah, but after two songs, Glen Hansard (aka-Irish Jeremy Banks) offered the seats to the first takers. After kicking, shoving, and stepping over bodies, HB and I secured two second row seats in center orchestra. Upgrade!

After the show, I ran to the stage and snagged my very first set list! Wooot!

For the few (if any) Frames fans out there who read this blog, here's the real set list they played:

Song for Someone
Seven Day Mile
The Cost
God Bless Mom
Stars Are Underground
Happy
Sad Songs
When Your Mind's Made Up
What Happens When the Heart Just Stops
Rent Day Blues
Pavement Tune
Fake
Your Face
Santa Maria
Blue Shoes (Colm solo)
Leave
Finally
Revelate
Fitzcarraldo
Star Star
Heyday

The Frames at Town Hall

2007-04-25T23:29:00.001-04:00

Love 'em! More details of the awesome show coming soon! Here's a video of "Fake" for your visual and auditory enjoyment.

I won something...again?

2007-04-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

Ok, seriously. This is just getting a little ridiculous. I won something from the wedding show last month and this one is for real, though I'm admittedly far too squeamish to seriously consider how I want to use it.

I won $300 towards a laser hair removal procedure and I have no idea what to do with this. Well, I do know what I'd like to do with it. It'd be nice to not have to buy refills for my Venus or Schick Quattro razor at practically $3 a blade, but I know these blades are cheaper than any laser hair removal process. I mean, even if I did just my armpits, I'm sure it's waay more than $300.

In essence, I won a coupon to use towards something I can't afford. Lovely.

Couldn't I have won one of those fancy wine dinners at that restaurant by the water? Or the ginormous flat screen TV? Shit, I'd take the fuckin' crystal toasting flutes at this point. This whole winning thing is like having luck, but no luck.

I won a fake vacation

2007-04-23T09:26:00.000-04:00

Sigh and double sigh. I received two voicemails on Thursday and Friday from Simplicity Gourmet congratulating me that I won a vacation from a raffle I entered at the March liweddings.com wedding show. I tried to call back late on Friday, but it was way past office hours and I knew I had to wait till Monday to find out what this was all about.

I called back this morning and was told that they'd call me back when they were in the NY-area again because I have to attend a 90-minute cooking show in order to qualify for the prize: an 8-day condo stay in the U.S., Europe, or Mexico. That should have been a red flag for me right then and there, but I needed HB to clear my head and help me realize this is just a pyramid scheme. Fuck.

I guess it was a waste of time to daydream about spending our honeymoon in Aix en Provence, or some such beautiful place like that.

Sigh.

I (heart) Marc by Marc Jacobs

2007-04-22T21:51:00.000-04:00

Those who know me well, know of my unending love for Marc Jacobs. So, when reading my email tonight, I was clearly E-L-A-T-E-D to hear about this giveaway for a Marc by Marc Jacobs Softy Tote from Justice. Oh, Justice, you know just how to pluck the strings to my heart. Obviously, I've entered. Had I checked my email sooner, I would have lit a candle at church this morning. Hey, it can't hurt!

The knot in my stomach

2007-04-20T21:28:00.000-04:00

My shack burger, cheese fries, and three berry pie concrete were delicious, but they've dropped like a rock into my troubled stomach.

I think I deeply hurt Moonie's feelings this afternoon and I'm feeling awful about it. It was some poorly timed and only-funny-in-my-head comment about her uncharacteristic tweed suit and pearls outfit and something about growing up white in Connecticut. Yeah, I know, I know. Anyway, I'm feeling so bad that I wish I hadn't eaten 4,000 calories worth of delcious grease and sugar tonight. Oh well. I said I was sorry, but it wasn't enough and I don't know what will be enough. And when a person's mad at you and you feel bad about he/she being mad at you and he/she says that he/she's not mad anymore because he/she doesn't want you to feel bad, it's a lie. He/She is still mad at you and will remember this incident like ammunition for the next fight, if there is a next one.

Sigh. A sour burger surrounded by unhappy, negative stomach acids, and a guilty conscience make for a very unhappy and blue Blue.

SHAKE SHACK, BABY!!

2007-04-20T11:59:00.000-04:00

I've been to the gym three times this week (so far), ate two salads yesterday, and am about to eat another salad for lunch right now, all in preparation of this divine experience: Shake Shack.

I will devour a shack burger, cheese fries, and a concrete with today's custard 'o the day flavor, FLUFFER NUTTER! Or, I might stick with the old favorite The Concrete Jungle (frozen custard, hot fudge, peanut butter, and bananas).

There will be no sharing of food today lest one choose to risk gnawed off fingers. I tremble with excitement.

St. Louis is watching me

2007-04-18T22:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I stumbled across this article from the NY Times about the coming surge in economic activity and population in the once great, fourth largest city in America: St. Louis.

Because I think everything is about me, I take this article as a personal affront to my strong feelings about that dump of a city.

Free ice cream

2007-04-17T17:30:00.000-04:00

Today was free ice cream day at Ben & Jerry's and they have two new flavors: creme brulee and cinnamon buns. I had the creme brulee and it was amaaazing. Try it. I promise, you'll love it.

One day I'll have a chance to repeat these words

2007-04-17T17:27:00.000-04:00

"Since I just got promoted, I just thought you two should know that I take my coffee with a little milk, two sugars, and a lot less of your bullshit."

--George Lass, Dead Like Me (season 2)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2007-04-15T14:17:00.000-04:00

For many people I know, this movie easily ranks on personal Top 5 All-Time Favorite Movies and for obvious, good reasons.

I've always felt a superficial connection to Clementine's free spirit and awesome movie wardrobe because we both have the same pink striped panties that she wears in the scene where Clementine is helping Joel figure out how to stop the memory erasing. They're in Joel's apartment and she's sittin on the coach next to him and the camera looks down at her crotch to show pink striped panties. Yeah, I have those too. They're from a Valentine's Day 3-pack panty set from the Gap (pink stripes, white with pink and red hearts, and red with white "I love you" printed all over).

Sorry, I'll stop rambling now. Since Netflix shafted me this weekend, I decided to rewatch this movie on DVD and I started reassessing how I feel about it. This is one of Nikki's favorite movies, but when we talked about it, she said that it's a very sad movie for her. I was surprised by her take and told her that I always thought the movie was very uplifting.

I see her point: Joel and Clementine might have a fresh start in their relationship, but they're doomed to fall into the same pitfalls and split up again. When I watched the movie with that in mind, it broke my heart. I always saw this movie as evidence that you can't help who you love, no matter what you try to do. Joel and Clementine are soul mates and not even erasing each other from their memories can tear them apart.

Now I'm torn. Any lovers of this movie out there? Would you care to jump into the fray on this?

Damn you, Netflix!

2007-04-15T13:54:00.000-04:00

Once again, Netflix has completely ruined my weekend. This weekend's menu should have been:

The 4400, Season 1, Disc 2
Dead Like Me, Season 2, Disc 1
Dead Like Me, Season 2, Disc 2

However, I devoured The 4400 on Thursday night, so that's back in the mail, and then Dead Like Me, Disc 1 arrived with the disc snapped in half. Fuck! That means that I can't watch Disc 2, therefore I have NOTHING TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND.

Now my weekend will consist of eBay selling, which is emotionally painful and incredibly time consuming when your computer is 5 nanoseconds away from completely dying, and doing work work. Ugh, I hate doing work work at home. For some odd reason I used to like it, but I think that being older and wiser has allowed me to come to my senses. That, and the whole not giving a shit anymore about career development probably has something to do with it.

Hello Kitty Plane

2007-04-13T09:54:00.000-04:00

Big thanks to Justice for this one. People: there is a Hello Kitty Plane flying out there and I am NOT on board. Wtf? These pictures are so cute I almost puked. I'm sure this plane will fly passengers to my sister's dream destination: the Sylvanian. Pack your bags!

Mea Culpa

2007-04-13T09:48:00.000-04:00

Yeah, yeah, I know that I suck at this blogging thing these days. What can I say? I am incapable of properly balancing my life. Back in the day I was like: go to work, come home, eat, Netflix, blog, and sleep. Now I'm more like: go to work, go to gym, come home, eat, (maybe Netflix), and sleep.

Weird. Never thought I'd be the person to replace blogging with going to the gym or that I might consider using phrases like "gym rat" to describe myself. Seriously people, my sleep patterns have never been this good. And the high that you get from spinning on an elliptical for 30 minutes is pretty amazing.

Here's my new, new year's resolution: go to work, go to gym, come home, eat, Netflix, blog, and sleep. Now all I need to do is create the 36 hour day!

Motivation

2007-04-08T17:44:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling rather poor these days, especially since I spent so much money in St. Louis last week. Yeah, technically I get all that money back when I put in my expense report, but it takes time for that money to trickle back to you. This is why I should be selling more stuff on eBay. Today's the perfect day to list a bunch more stuff, so why am I not doing it? Oh, right. 'Cause I'm lazy and would rather eat the chocolate duck my sister sent me from Ireland than do something productive with my life.

No wonder I hate my job.

Motivational speakers and career counselors: please leave a business card at the front desk.

Happy Easter

2007-04-08T17:35:00.000-04:00

to all of you folks who celebrate the holiday! To those of you who don't, happy day nonetheless. It's frigid outside and my tush is very happy to be snuggled up under 3 layers of blankets with one hand on a sugar cookie and the other on my DVD remote. This weekend's menu:

Dead Like Me, season 1, discs 3 & 4
The 4400, season 1, disc 1

Gotta love Netflix.

Snob

2007-04-05T22:38:00.000-04:00

I'm so grateful for the times that my mouth is capable of holding back the flood of verbal diarrhea...or at least the very few times.

For instance, this evening on the subway a woman sat beside me reading NY Times articles printed from the web. (Of course, to save a few bucks, I do the same thing all the time. Plus, it saves my fingers from newspaper ink, which is a huge pet peeve for me.)

However, instead of thinking, "Ah, good for her. A smart woman who prints her articles from the web to save a few bucks," my mind immediately noticed that the printouts had all the extraneous web frames around the articles, which indicates that she uses 1/3 more paper than necessary because she didn't utilize the "print" feature that extracts all the miscellany around the articles and expands the margins. I screamed inside my head, "idiot!!!"

Somehow I held back my frustration with this stranger, though I was very, very close to leaning towards her and pointing to the little printer icon to say, "You know, there's a print function on the site. (finger point) Your 850-word article really doesn't need 5 sheets of paper. Just so you know."

When does it stop?

2007-04-04T21:14:00.000-04:00

Being out of the office for a week is enough to set you back a month in workload. Am I ever going to have a day when I don't feel like I'm still trying to catch up? Fuck, man. I'm tired, can't breathe, am exhausted, and I can't do everything by Friday.

Sorry, needed to let it out.

(sob)

Trumpet Playing Toyota Partner Robot

2007-04-03T07:47:00.001-04:00

As promised, here's the video I recorded from NSTA. Dude, how cool is this robot? How much cooler would it be if I could ask Toyota to sponsor our wedding and ask for this robot to come play at our cocktail reception?

The Decemberists - O Valencia!

2007-04-03T07:42:00.001-04:00

Cough, cough, wheeze

2007-04-03T07:25:00.000-04:00

I'm home sick again today obviously because the fates can't cut me some slack and let me feel better. This is St. Louis's parting gift to me for hating that shithole city so much.

I'm completely congested, my throat feels sore, I have a fever, and I can't breathe. Grrrr. Yes, I want your pity. Or this t-shirt, please.

Knight Rider

2007-04-03T07:22:00.000-04:00

OMG I love it! Check out the hysterical Threadless tee:

HB: I'm sorry to report that almost every boy size is sold out!

Foresters: please vote for a reprint!!

The Decemberists!! (3/24/07)

2007-04-02T22:04:00.000-04:00

I meant to post this ages ago and I'm sorry I didn't. Before embarking on my trip to hell (aka St. Louis), HB and I saw The Decemberists play a kick ass show at Avalon in Boston the Saturday before last. (squeal, squeal, gush)

Here's the setlist:

Oceanside
The Island
Yankee Bayonet
Summersong
The Crane Wife #1
16 Military Wives
Grace Cathedral
Shankill Butchers
The Perfect Crime #2
O Valencia!
Infanta
The Mariner's Revenge Song
Sons & Daughters

I got some decent video from the show, but I still haven't figured out how to edit video to make the files smaller. I'm dying to put up my 10 minute video of The Mariner's Revenge Song, but don't know how. I've got O Valencia on YouTube now for your viewing pleasure.

The St. Louis Wrap Up

2007-04-02T21:53:00.000-04:00

So, I missed my flight, scrambled like hell to build a booth in 2 hours when I got to St. Louis, had my two camera memory sticks stolen, thought I lost my cell phone, had my return flight to NY cancelled on me (and then rebooked), the plane going to NY was "broken" so I had to wait 3 hours in the airport for them to "find a new one," and St. Louis gave me a cold, which made me stay home from work today.

All in all, a fairly crumby trip. Was it worth all this effort? Hell no. In three 8-hour days manning the company booth, we sold 51 books. Not even enough to cover my food and airfare for 5 days in St. Louis.

Cough cough. Sigh.

On the bright side: I ate lobster, delicious Brazilian and Vietnamese food, and I saw a robot play a trumpet. YouTube link is tk.

Sticking it to The Man

2007-04-02T08:16:00.000-04:00

It's no secret that this trip to St. Louis hasn't been kind to me, so I decided to collect. Since I can't expense my two stolen memory sticks (and all the other shit that's happened), I got paid back in ridiculously extravagant food.

Saturday night, we went to a super fancy Italian restaurant called Kemoll's and I ordered:

battered and fried artichoke hearts with a horseradish dipping sauce
two deeelicious lobster tails with melted butter and alfredo penne with sun dried tomatoes
bananas foster, which was prepared at our table to much flaming excitement!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Happy tummy!

The Saving Grace of St. Louis

2007-03-29T23:14:00.000-04:00

...is a restaurant called Yemanji Brasil where my dinner consisted of:

Appetizer: fried yucca root sprinkled with fresh parmesan cheese and served with a curry dipping sauce
Soup: shrimp bisque served with fresh bread and seasoned butter
Entree: seared tilapia smothered with a vegetable and coconut sauce served over a bed of rice and topped with melted parmesan cheese
Dessert: coconut bread pudding served on a bed of caramel cream sauce and topped with toasted coconut shavings and a marachino cherry

It's been a long hard two days and this dinner came close to making the misery go away. However, I still want my memory sticks back you mysterious thieving fuck!

('course I just had to end that gloriously delicious post with a taste of bitterness)

Missing Memory Stick

2007-03-29T22:47:00.000-04:00

Have you seen my memory stick? It's a bit smaller than a stick of Wrigley's chewing gum and it's full of pictures and video from a recent Decemberists concert and of HB's adorable niece. Oh, and it's a 2GB memory stick that can hold around 800ish photos and was a gift from the HB. Yeah, well, I ask only because I know that I HAVEN'T SEEN IT LATELY.

Well, I guess I should just chalk this up to the growing list of shit that I've lost on this trip. Not that I lost it because I never take it out of my camera. It was stolen. That and the 512MB card I had in my camera case. Though, these were kind robbers, so they let me keep my outdated camera and the 32MB chump change memory stick that came with my camera.

If I had my memory stick, I would have been able to record an awesome Toyota robot playing a trumpet today and take pictures of my absolutely amazing Brazilian dinner.

Fuck St. Louis.

Good morning, Foresters!

2007-03-29T07:45:00.000-04:00

Ho hum, ho hum. I'm glad my job doesn't make me travel more than I already do because I don't generally enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel. I just don't really like traveling for business because it gets terribly lonely.

Ahem: I'm lonely, people. Please come visit and keep me company with stories (hysterical, pathetic, angry, or otherwise) and the like.

OHMYGOSHI'MSOSCARED!!

2007-03-29T00:14:00.000-04:00

I was dying of thirst, so I ventured out of my room tonight in search of the vending machine. After hearing the ice machine grumble and make all kinds of completely unnatural noises (and the vending machine was sold out of practically everything), I started wildly pressing every button on the machine to get my drink--any drink--as quickly as possible so I could run screaming (in my head) back to my room like the scaredy cat I am.

Why is it that the vending machine and the ice machine are always out of the ways in this teeny corner of the hall that is most terrifying place in the entire hotel? Wtf? All I could think was redrum. Great, now I'll never fall asleep.

(whimper)

I hate St. Louis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-28T22:52:00.000-04:00

You may be wondering, where in the world is Blue? 'Cause she certainly hasn't been around the Forest lately.

Seriously, my bad. Between the photographer hunt and the AWESOME DECEMBERISTS concert last weekend (more details and YouTube links soon) and having whole stretches of days with the HB, I've had very little time to come 'round these parts.

Of course, now I'm stuck in the ass-end of the United States (aka St. Louis), so I guess you can consider this my punishment for not being a good blogger.

[Insert name of large company here] sent me here for the National Science Teacher's Association conference so I can basically stand in a booth for 8 hours, shake hands, smile, sell books, and be an overall chipper reflection of our fabulous company. Sigh.

The only problem is that there ain't shit to do in St. Louis. Luckily I have 3 episodes of Prison Break, 2 episodes of 24, 2 episodes of Lost and discs 4 and 5 of season 3 of The Wire. Now I have plenty to do.

By the way, should I mention that I arrived at the airport at 7:15 this morning (for my 8:30 flight) only to discover that my father and I had a miscommunication and my suitcase was NOT IN THE TRUNK OF THE CAR!!!??? Should I also mention that despite driving like a bat out of hell back home to get my suitcase and back to the airport that I didn't make my flight? Does it also need to be said that I had to be in St. Louis before noon and the next flight was leaving NY at 1:30pm? OH, and I thought I lost my cellphone, but apparently I left it at home. Without this blessed internet connection, you might as well just consider me completely not in this universe anymore.

Yeah, my day completely stunk, I'm exhausted and smell about as bad as my day, I have no interest in taking a shower because that would require me to NOT be horizontal right now, and my room service pepperoni pizza tastes like ass. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Grrrr!

Oh, did I mention that I'm stuck in this hell hole until Sunday?

How to get fancy meals for FREE

2007-03-22T22:48:00.000-04:00

One word: tastings.

Whether you plan on getting married or not, I highly recommend you follow these directions:

1. Pick a friend of the opposite sex (or same sex if you live in Massachusetts) and establish your wedding details: engagement date, wedding date, how many people you plan to invite, and whether you plan to have the ceremony at the reception site or at another location.

2. Do some research and make a list of fancy reception halls you want to visit. Call them up and tell them you're getting married (gush and squeal) and ask to make an appointment to tour the place with your "fiance."

3. Visit each reception hall (gush and squeal) and tell them all about your wedding. They'll ask you all sorts of questions, so stick to your prepared information otherwise they might sniff out a freeloader.

4. At the end of the tour, tell them how much you LOVE the place and that you'd love to set up a tasting soon.

5. Reservation is made, so all you have to do is show up. Nice places will pull out all the stops to impress you and gain your $20,000 business to their fancy wedding establishment. All you need to do is leave a gratuity for the waiter, but a $10 tip is a small price to pay for a few hours of finger-lickin' goodness.

Why HB and I never thought to try this back in college when we were always broke and looking for a free meal, I have no idea.

Sorry!

2007-03-22T21:11:00.000-04:00

Dear Foresters,

Sorry I've been away most of the week. HB was in town and between galavanting for a photographer, snuggling, and beating Zelda: Twilight Princess, I haven't had much time to write. We have SO MUCH to catch up on. I'll start tonight.

Hugs and kisses,

Blue

Busy wedding bees

2007-03-18T22:00:00.000-04:00

HB is here visiting me and we're going to embark upon a photographer search for the next two days. Among the shortlist are:

Merri Cyr (we're meeting at Union Square on Tuesday! #$%^&*&^%$#!!!)
Modern Wedding Photography (the wedding slideshows were the first photos I've seen that made me cry)
Sherwood Triart (photographers to the unfairly rich that wed in Long Island. Not sure why we're meeting with them)

So, for the next few days we'll be busy, busy bees, or shutterbugs, or something. Hopefully we'll come out with a clear idea of who we want, but suspect this may take more research. I'm not going to jump into Merri Cyr's arms without doing my homework first! (Or without her autograph.)

I seriously need an intern. I plan to post an application here on the blog soon.

MERRI CYR EMAILED ME!

2007-03-18T00:11:00.000-04:00

Holy shit. Merri Cyr, like, totally emailed me back and said that she's free on 8/3/08 and would be very happy to travel to Queens and Long Island.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? I'm seriously losing my mind!!

So, would it be totally inappropriate to bring my copy of A Wished for Song: A Portrait of Jeff Buckley and ask her for her autograph??

Merri Cyr could do my wedding!!!???

2007-03-17T15:04:00.000-04:00

For any Jeff Buckley fans out there, this is big.

Merri Cyr, famed photographer, and photographer for every beautiful photo of Jeff Buckley you've ever seen, apparently does weddings too!!

Of course, her photos are beautiful, but shockingly her prices are pretty much on par with other photographers HB and I are considering in Long Island.

I've sent her a message through her site and I'm currently waiting (seriously) with bated breath for a response. In the meantime, I'll continue to freak out in the privacy of my room.

An awful, awful nightmare

2007-03-17T12:47:00.001-04:00

Last night, I had the worst nightmare. I was in a boardroom full of well tailored suits who were interviewing both me and my current boss for the same job as an associate editor at a small progressive political publishing company. We were sitting side-by-side getting interviewed simultaneously!

However, it was unlike any interview that would ever take place in the waking world. The first question was, apparently, to test memory and fluency in French. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. The publisher read aloud a three minute passage from some French book. When she was done she prompted E. and started repeating it back to her word for word. He only repeated back about one minute, which was all he could remember, but it was decidedly better than the 3 words I managed to utter before hearing one of those game show bells that screeched to tell me that I got a word wrong. Humiliation.

Next, the boardroom conference table dissolved and two pool tables took their place. The next round of the interview would be a competition. Immediately I throw my hands up in an "I'm fucked" display of defeat. The last time I played pool was at Jillian's on Landsdowne St. (for any of you Bostonians) during my Boston College summer o' clubbing days and I didn't even bring my glasses because I thought I looked cuter without them. (Yes, this was the never never-time, before HB.) How did four-eyes play pool without my glasses, you ask? Horribly. I might as well have not had my glasses on for this round of the interview, that's how badly I played.

When the pool tables disappeared, we were no longer in the boardroom, but outdoors on a beach at night. There were tiki themed decorations all around and a huge bonfire. The publisher's husband just came back from Mexico where he captured and brought back rare Mexican eel, which both me and E. had to taste. I guess this was the only part of the competition/interview that I passed because I thought the eel tasted like chicken, but E. refused because he was a vegetarian. Go figure. The only thing I could do right was eat.

Finally, I woke up disoriented, upset, and defeated. First, no interview would ever be like that (well, I keep telling myself that) and second, a senior editor would never apply for a job as an associate editor at a smaller company. Still, I feel a little humiliated even though none of it really happened (I keep telling myself that too).

Kicking my ass

2007-03-16T21:16:00.001-04:00

So, I met with a trainer today at my gym to create my new fangled 12-week workout routine. I have to commit 3 days a week and I have to login and record all of my cardio, chest and shoulder presses, bicep and tricep curls, and cruches. Sigh.

Oh, the embarassment of running a gaspy 1/4 mile while someone's watching you. Thankfully Max is a very patient and genial guy who doesn't frown upon you when you're not doing chest presses in the correct form.

I'm sure you're wondering, "Gee, Blue. Why the sudden burst of exercise energy?" The correct answer would be that I want to look hot wearing this:

Cat's out of the bag

2007-03-15T23:40:00.000-04:00

Geez, Moonie. Did ya have to shoot it from the rooftops? Now we'll never get a table at Verlaine, the land of milk and honey and $4 lychee martinis.

Here's our awesomely cheap night:

Martinis: $4 ('course, I only had one) @ Verlaine
Pistachio Cupcake: $1.50 @ Sugar Sweet Sunshine, a place which I previously wrote off because I picked the wrong flavor cupcake, but now have been reborn
Sesame pancakes & dumplings: $2 @ Fried Dumpling
A night of cheap goodness and a full tummy: priceless

She rocks the mic

2007-03-14T23:46:00.000-04:00

Last night, Moonie and I had the distinct pleasure of watching a good friend--Nikki--read a selection from her upcoming novel, Walking on Tiptoes. She was invited by two important literary groups to an event where the other headliner was a famous author. I couldn't stop grinning for so many reasons.

First, and foremost, Nikki is an elegant writer and it's clearly only a matter of time before her words appear bound and between covers. Second, I felt honored to be present to witness one of those moments in life that she'll never forget. Standing there on that stage reading from her novel to a captivated audience--it was her moment, all eyes were on her, and it was great! Third, the pride emanating from her father (who took a train from DC that afternoon so as not to miss this important night) gave me the warm fuzzies and almost made me cry.

I know that Nikki is a writer, but I don't think I really understood that until last night. Her words and her voice evoked such emotion and they deeply touched me.

One of the topics of post-discussion was how a lot of writers like to write about characters who have nothing to do with them and who are far removed from any of their own personal qualities. If this is true, I guess that's why I've never identified myself as a writer.

As a reader, I'm very self-centered and the novels I enjoy most are the ones where I can identify with the protagonist. Last night, the passage Nikki read from echoed a sense of disappointment, wishing, and longing--all things that I relate to deeply these days. There were details that were eerily similar to my own childhood, like the blouses that Delia's mother wore that felt like silk, but were really polyester.

The memory of my face pressed against my mother's blouse while I was buried in her arms in, what felt like, the biggest hug a mother could ever give her child, is still a fresh one. Her blouses, which were actually just polyester, always felt like silk to me because they were so soft. To this very day, I have one of those blouses (salvaged from a trip to goodwill) hanging in my closet on a wire hanger, just like Delia. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, like when my mom still wore that blouse, and relive those moments. I never knew life would be so hard today. Had I known, I would have savored those moments more.

I can't wait to hear more from Walking on Tiptoes. As I'm writing this, I'm picturing myself joyfully holding my very own copy of Nikki's fourth book as I patiently stand on a long autographing line at the Union Square B&N. I know it'll happen one day.

Nikki--there may not have been a mic last night, but you still rocked it.

Frenemies

2007-03-13T22:58:00.001-04:00

Earlier this evening, Lexi spoke some seriously true words: women get dressed up for other women. When you find yourself in an office full of men (ahem, Moonie), you're no longer compelled to glitz up your outfit because, seriously, who are you trying to impress?

As I was getting up to leave my train tonight, I literally bumped into someone I went to high school with. "Oh, sorry" I mumbled, then we recognized one another and made the obligatory hello.

Not so sure where things went sour (well, I have an idea, but nevermind), but over the years, each time we bumped into each other her greetings to me became increasingly dry. A simple "oh, hi!" out of her mouth reached my ears sounding like an "oh fuck."

Well, whatever. I don't care to go into the details of why I think our relationship--once tightknit, friendly, and bestfriendsforever--became this shitty hello, but I do care to say this: I get dressed up everyday not only to impress other women, but for the slim offchance that I'm going to run into one of my frenemies.

Did I feel insecure wearing my super cute herringbone flats, tights, black sheath dress, olive coat with large off-center silver buttons and stand-up collar, coach duffle bag, AND my platinum and diamonds engagement ring? Umm, no.

In lieu of a bake sale

2007-03-12T22:28:00.000-04:00

Dear Pretty Pretty:

I'm so sorry I failed you as an owner. I'm sure you're hurt by my absence and have managed to form a union with your 99 other comrades in my closet. Why, you ask, are you one among so many different bags? Messengers, totes, purses, slings, and doctor bags? It's my failing as an ADHD bag-aholic and I'm sorry.

You may also be pissed at me and wondering why I'm photographing you and posting you on eBay, but I promise you that this is for the best.

First, you deserve a more attentive owner, someone who will fawn on you and wear you everyday. It's been ages since many of you have seen the light of day and a new owner will give this to you.

Second, and probably something you don't care much about, is that I need money. Weddings are expensive and this paycheck only goes so far. I'm sorry.

Third, I just have too much stuff. Perhaps it's a tinge of Buddhist reflection in my Catholic life, but I feel a strong need to streamline my life of belongings.

Don't worry, Pretty Pretty. I'll make sure your new owner has a high, positive feedback score and I'll definitely pack you snug as a bug for your postal trip.

Remember that I'll always care for you from afar.

(WEEP)

Fondly,

Blue

Dirty Dancing, UK Style

2007-03-11T15:05:00.001-04:00

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD. Perhaps it's the wedding hormones that are rushing through my body thus making me incapable of finding this ironic, lame, or even a tiny bit obnoxious. This is the cutest first dance at a wedding that I've ever seen.

Girl logic on hair products

2007-03-11T14:42:00.000-04:00

Girl logic (noun): def. the science of the formal principles of reasoning, which only make sense to the female gender or persuasion.

I had an interesting discussion earlier this week and I realized it was the perfect example of girl logic. Words are not verbatim (obviously I didn't have a courtroom typist with me), but very close to the truth:

Scene: cubicles at [insert big company here]
Time: Thursday afternoon before a Friday night "big date"

Me: Moonie's free tonight. Wanna go for a cupcake or some Jacques Torres?

Nikki: Ooh, sure. I'm meeting some friends tonight, but I have some time beforehand.

(pause)

Oh crap, I forgot that I really, really need to get more of that stuff for my hair. I have my date tomorrow night with D. and I want my hair to be touchably good.

Me: Maybe you can get it before we meet Moonie. Where can you buy it?

Nikki: Umm, only at this one salon on 57th between 5th and 6th.

Me: That's impossible, you must be wrong. You're telling me that you can only get this particular product at one salon in this city? What is this stuff anyway?

Nikki: Ouidad. It's the best product I've ever used to keep my curls intact.

Me: Wait a sec. You bought some stuff for your curls last week at Duane Reade.

Nikki: Yeah, but that was just interim stuff.

Me: Oh, ok.

Nikki: I know what I'll do. I'll just go to Duane Reade and get interim stuff and then get the Ouidad next week.

Me: But, you already have interim stuff.

Nikki: Yes, but it's interim interim stuff. It made my hair a little icky, so I need to get the interim stuff.

Me: Of course.

Now, a boy may scratch his head and ask, why didn't you just buy the interim stuff instead of the interim interim stuff while at Duane Reade last week? In fact, why buy the interim stuff at all? Why not just go to the salon and save money buy buying the correct item the first time around?

A girl would never question this, thus making this the perfect example of Girl Logic.

Skating rink diamond rings

2007-03-10T23:58:00.000-05:00

Why can't I stop reading liweddings.com? Seriously, I think it's a bad influence on me and poisonous for my mental health.

Since Nikki chuckled about my comment on Long Island princesses and their skating rink diamond rings, I thought I'd induce a few more by sharing these bad boys:

This girl had her engagement party at a place many people have their actual weddings. If she turned this ring during a bitch fight, you'd need to find the best plastic surgeon in town to clean up the mess.

Some of you may disagree with me, but this is why I hate square-cut diamonds.

WARNING: protective eyewear may be necessary.

This one is just plain fugly.

I went to high school with this girl and I very unfortunately outted myself on the board and then was quickly recognized. Luckily she doesn't know where the Forest is, so I can publicly announce that I think her ring makes me cringe.

This girl is getting married at Oheka Castle, so I guess this ice will match the decor.

I could go on, but I really must sleep. If anyone other than me enjoyed this, I might do a followup because there's plenty more where that came from.

Daylight Saving Time Begins

2007-03-10T22:59:00.000-05:00

Did you know that the correct term is "Daylight Saving Time" and NOT "Daylight Savings Time"? I didn't, but I was just recently corrected.

In fact, the whole time change business has always baffled me. What gives us the right to take an hour and give it back later? Can you even do that?

Weddingbee.com

2007-03-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I'm thinking about applying. Once I get all the bitterness and frustration out of my voice, I think I could do it.

The Long Island Tea Party (the bitchy review)

2007-03-08T23:57:00.000-05:00

As some of you have already heard me bitch and moan about, I wasted an entire evening yesterday attending a "tea party" thrown by Perfect Wedding Planner. Truly, I didn't know what to expect. I was told that there'd be tea, petit fours, finger sandwiches, and other teensy weensy nibblies all for free. Obviously, I was sold, so our banquet manager made all the arrangements for my appointment.

My mom and I arrived 30 minutes late because no one believes me when I say exit 36N on the Northern State Parkway. Eventually, we apologetically enter the pristine halls of Fox Hollow and are quickly and quietly ushered up to the PWP office. Inside is a room of 6 women sitting around perfectly modern glass tables with fancy teapots and Viennese trays of untouched caloric goodies. Of course, I'm surrounded by fuckin' size zero Long Island princesses who only consume hot water with lemon.

James, a PWP wedding planner/coordinator and our speaker for the evening, is animatedly waving his arms while he talks about the importance of planning your wedding just so and doing things just like this and using just these vendors. I quizzically look around the room to see all the ladies bobbing their heads in perfect unison to the beating of this bitchy diva's wedding bible.

Up goes my arm.

Me: James, if you're having an outdoor cocktail reception, how is the sound of a single violin player going to carry in the open air and with the commotion of a crowd? According to Wedding Chic, it's always too animated and noisy during the cocktail hour for music, so you should either skip it or have your DJ set up a speaker for some background music off a CD.

Pure disdain as he looks at me (for the first time since I entered the room) and says,

James: Well, I always position the violin player at the entrance to the cocktail hour. Even if you can't hear it throughout the space, you'll enter to a lovely sound.

Me: Well, obviously my reception is here at Fox Hollow and the entrance to the cocktail reception area is not all that far from valet parking. Won't it be too noisy?

James: In that case, I'd highly recommend a steel drum band.

I could have said, "Are you fucking kidding me? A steel drum band during the cocktail hour prior to a formal reception?" but I didn't. It became clear to me who I was dealing with.

Later in the presentation James talks about how there's only one style of wedding photography these days and the key word is "photojournalism." "Oh, what's that?" one silly, retarded bride says as I snort and chuckle under my breath. Up goes the arm again.

Me: "James, photojournalism has been a popular style of photography for several years now, so I think it would be more helpful if you could explain how one should go about choosing between photographers. Everyone calls themself a photojournalistic photographer these days, but there are dozens and dozens to choose from."

James: "Well, it's simple. Just choose from the four photographers we recommend in our brochure."

Ding! It's become perfectly clear to me now that this is all one GIANT SALES PITCH. Well, in that case, I'm not going down without a fight. I proceed to ask a series of more difficult questions, all of which make him look like a flustered buffoon, and his answers for me become more dismissive. There were a few moments when I felt minor victories, but all in all the evening felt like a losing battle. I hate that I'm so desperately approval seeking because if I weren't, I probably wouldn't be so worked up about this.

Had I known that this was going to be like sitting through a presentation for a time share, I wouldn't have bothered. And, had I known that I would be in a room full of Other Brides (or Stepford Brides, as Nikki so cleverly dubbed them) who made me feel like a beached whale salivating for chocolate covered strawberries and sugar for my rancid Lipton tea, I most definitely wouldn't have bothered. And finally, had I known that the presenter would take every opportunity to shame me in a room full of women with skating rink diamonds on their left hands, I would have run screaming for the hills.

In closing...

Dear James:

You took the wind out of my sails, you pompous, arrogant queen. Just because you have a surface knowledge of the wedding industry does not mean you should take it out on me and make me feel like the bad seed in the class, the upstart with the questions, and the geek with the pocket protector. GRRRRR!

Screw you,
A Bride with a Brain

Them's are fightin' words

2007-03-08T15:54:00.000-05:00

Careful bridesmaids. If any one of you cross me, you may end up wearing this:

My mom won a diamond necklace!!!

2007-03-06T22:48:00.001-05:00

Tonight my parents took me to the "biggest bridal showcase in Long Island" to explore our photographer/videographer/DJ/band/limo/flower options and of course, some free cake. As we were parking at the Marriott in Melville, I jokingly told them that there were two main reasons we came tonight: a $10,000 prize for a bride and groom and a $1,000 diamond necklace for a mother of the bride. "You hear that, Mom?" I said, "You could win a DIAMOND necklace tonight." The last thing I expected was that we would win anything, least of all one of the grand prizes.

I know everyone feels this way about their mother, but my hardworking, arthritis-ridden, aches and pains mom deserves some shortcuts in life and a little ease and comfort. However, in lieu of all that, I think she'll take the diamond necklace.

So, here's how it happened:

The MC announced that he had two prizes for two mothers of brides in the room. (Excited cheers.) He called the first name and the winning mom squealed and made her way to the stage. He called a second name--Lynn DiGregorio--and no response. He called the name again and there was some commotion, so it seemed like Lynn was in the room, but she wasn't coming to the stage. After a few more minutes the MC said, "Lynn, are you here? I've got another name here, so if you don't come to the stage I'll have to call the next name." No Lynn.

He called, "C******...I don't want to butcher this last name." My heart lept! My eleven-letter last name's AKA has always been "I don't want to butcher this last name." Could it possibly be my mom? Finally, the dear ol' MC calls out our last name and I scream, "Mom, you won!!!" I usher her onto the stage and take this super excited picture of her:

I'm so happy for my mom and I can't stop saying so! Excuse the mushiness, but seeing my mom this happy was worth way more than a $10,000 prize.

Jack Bauer on "Fool me once..."

2007-03-05T22:35:00.000-05:00

Damn, Jack. Another foreign embassy? WTF? You made me laugh out loud last night.