Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Self-hate with a dash of self-pity

I don't usually use this blog as a forum for describing the trials of my job, a la Editorial Ass, but I am so mired in all kinds of self-hate right now that I desperately need an outlet.

I work for two editors, but only one of them really matters. That is, I only care about what one of them thinks of me. He--who shall remain nameless--is like many of his kind: arrogant, insensitive, self-congratulatory, and painfully intelligent. As a manager, he never really gets worked up about anything, so I never live in fear of a yelling, a tantrum, or irrational anger. I do, however, live in fear of feeling inadequate.

I'm trying to buy a book (hurrah!) and I submitted my draft of acquisitions materials to my editor this afternoon. Within minutes, he stood at my cubicle and said, "You're usually very good at this, but this is quite possibly the worst selling point I've ever read" and proceeded to read aloud from my acquisitions material. After the public shaming (I'm in a cubicle in an open office environment), we went back to his office so he could instruct me in Proposal Writing 101. "Step 1, you should...blah blah blah."

Now, I'm trying to rally my spirits and "get back on the horse," but it feels impossible at this moment. Blech. I am a tiny dot on an endless sheet of paper. I can't even grieve properly...I've gone from denial to depression. What happened to anger? I'm a much better writer pissed off.

Perhaps I'm not cut out for this job and have been in denial for the last three years. Perhaps I should start looking into a new line of work, maybe one with decent pay. I hear construction pays well. Shit, I'm probably better with a hammer than I am with a keyboard. Hate hate hate.


moonrat said...


The candle, Blue!! The candle!!

It's not your fault he's a jackass who gets off on his bad days by reminding himself that there are still people he can make feel stupid for no productive reason. And it shouldn't be your problem, either. So I'm very sorry about that.

You are VORBODEN from abandoning your editorial assmanship. It's a coupon that can be traded in for a much higher title upon maturation but has a cash value of $0.003.

I think my point here is that the coupon matured awhile ago. Maybe you need to research the participating retailers.

Bluenana said...

Oh, Moonie, you're the bestest.

No worries. This ASSinine [sic] job can't put me down that easily and--now that I've finished licking my wounds--I'm primed for a fight.

Bring it on, bitches! Of course, should the right opportunity come along, I certainly won't turn a blind eye.